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a lot of ~feminist~ analyses seem to go for a “but it’s not like that for men!!!!” and like… end there, without interrogating why things are different, which i think is what leads to the really weird “just stop doing the thing! be strong!” school of feminism. like that commercial that’s like “women, stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault! men don’t do that! just stop and everything will be better!” but like. there’s. a reason women over-apologizing is a thing and it’s because actions have different consequences for different people and you haven’t solved that at all by trying to eliminate the difference in actions. a lot of the symptoms of “double standards” (which isn’t a phrase i like at all for like, at least twelve reasons) are just that—they’re symptoms, they’re coping mechanisms. don’t make people feel bad about the way they try to navigate an unfair world while doing literally nothing to make that world better.
“We’re all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?”
- INTP: Owl
- ESTP: Fox
- ISFP: Sloth
- ENTJ: Lion
- ISFJ: Deer
- INTJ: Octopus
- ISTP: Cat
- ESFP: Otter
- INFJ: Wolf
- ENFP: Dolphin
- ESTJ: Honey Bee
- ISTJ: Beaver
- ENFJ: Dog
- INFP: Meerkat
- ENTP: Parrot
- ESFJ: Elephant
the panic when you go on goodreads and see
if I hadn’t been so worried about being captain, he wouldn’t be hurt either.
Series Three + Scenery
I was just putting on my shoes and I found two bucks in the toe im winning at life
So, here’s how Fifty Shades could have been consensual…
• If Christian had asked to meet up with Ana again at their very first encounter in his office, rather than stalking her to her workplace, without knowing whether she wanted to see him again (and, vitally, had she said yes to that request), that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had respected Ana’s wishes and stayed away, rather than tracking her phone and stalking her to the bar she was drinking in with her friends, that would have been consensual.
• If Ana hadn’t been so drunk that she passed out shortly after Christian arrived at the bar and had been sober enough to agree to being taken back to his place, that would have been consensual.
• If Ana had been conscious and sober whilst Christian undressed her and put her to bed and had she agreed to those things, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had avoided any manipulative tactics; not played upon his abusive childhood, not warned Ana that he’d be “bad” for her, not played any kind of mind games, just been himself and given her a chance to decide whether she wanted a relationship with him and had she decided that she did, without any manipulation, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had listened when Ana said “no” to his expensive gifts and stopped buying them so as not to make her feel uncomfortable, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had said, “Hey, I’m into BDSM and I’d love to try it with you. Here are a couple of books I’ve taken out from the library for you to read. I can take you to a club if you like and I can give you some website addresses, where you can chat to other people in the lifestyle so you can make your mind up. And please know that I won’t force you at all; if you say no - and you have every right to - I won’t pressure you to change your mind. If we try it and you don’t like it, I won’t force you to try again…” and had Ana said yes after gaining full understanding of what she was getting into, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had allowed Ana as much time as she liked to decide whether BDSM was for her, rather than manipulating her and playing on her emotions with his “I had a tortured childhood, I need this…” routine (and had Ana agreed to the BDSM without all of that manipulation), that would have been consensual.
• If, when Ana told Christian that she didn’t like being spanked, he had refrained from either doing it or threatening to do it, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had taken Ana’s list of limits seriously, rather than insisting on pushing them in order to pursue his own desires, that would have been consensual.
• If, when Ana said “no” after Christian initiated sex (having turned up out of the blue after thinking that Ana was ending their relationship), Christian had stopped what he was doing, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had explained what orgasm denial means and asked whether Ana would be okay with that, rather than confusing and upsetting her by doing it to her without permission (and, crucially, if she had agreed to it after discussing it with him), that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had insisted that Ana was sober whilst they discussed hard and soft limits, so she knew exactly what she was getting into and could logically process the information she was being bombarded with to a point where she reached clear agreement to his terms, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had refused to lay a finger on Ana when she was too drunk to give sober agreement, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had listened to Ana telling him that, whilst she might enjoy being dominated in the bedroom, she had no desire to be a 24/7 sub/slave and had therefore stopped trying to control what she wore, what she ate, who she saw and where she went, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had listened to Ana’s wishes and stopped treating her like a piece of his property, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had set clear, firm “rules” for Ana to stick to (and had she agreed to those rules), rather than constantly moving the goal posts and leaving her never sure whether her behaviour will see her “punished,” that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had listened to Ana’s request for some time and space away from him, rather than flying hundreds of miles to stalk her whilst she was visiting her mother, that would have been consensual.
• If Christian had discussed marking Ana’s body and whether she wanted that to happen (and had she agreed to it), rather than bruising her body without permission as punishment for sunbathing topless, that would have been consensual.
I could go on and on, but I think you’re probably getting the picture…
There is almost no free consent in Fifty Shades of Grey. The consent Ana gives is often the result of being given copious amounts of alcohol, or having been pressured and manipulated by Christian. At other points in the story, Christian doesn’t even make any attempt to gain Ana’s consent before he acts (such as when he stalks her, accesses her bank account and deposits money in it without her giving him the relevant information and when he chooses to ignore her concerns about certain aspects of BDSM).
Ana may be 21, EL James. But she is a deeply immature and naive 21. I would have trouble believing she was capable of consenting to things she didn’t understand even without the use of alcohol and manipulation to coerce her into it. But with those things? She’s not giving free consent. And sexual activity without full, sober consent? There’s a word for that. And it sure as Hell isn’t “hot.”
As you all know, waiting for that pesky next book is probably one of the most painful feelings ever, but never fear. Here’s a bunch of books from series that are not only amazing, but complete series or standalones as well, so the only real waiting you do is between bookstore visits.
(click on title for the goodreads link)
The Ghost & The Goth by Stacy Kade (trilogy) - Honestly, ghosts have never been as fun to read as this book. It’s the kind of light-hearted happy adventure everyone should get the chance to read.
Born At Midnight by C.C. Hunter (series, five books) - A pretty refreshing change to YA in that there are ten thousand kinds of super positive relationships in this series, especially between the teens and adults. Not to mention a seriously kick-ass paranormal aspect.
The Lost Girl by Sangu Mandanna (standalone) - Now, let me tell you this one of those books that just stays with you. I mean the story brings up seriously interesting ideas about morality and what life is.
Pure by Julianna Baggott (trilogy) - If you’re looking for something intense and political, this is for you. It’s honestly the kind of book that makes you sit down and just think about how screwed up everything is in the world it’s set in.
Ashes by Ilsa J. Bick (trilogy) - Can I ever say enough good things about this series? I’m so in love with the way it’s written and the story and everything. Not to mention it’s an intense, almost too real story of the world gone to hell.
Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr (series, five books) - Faerie politics, man, what more can I say? This is one beautiful set of books with amazingly complex characters and stories.
The Singer of All Songs by Kate Constable (trilogy) - I’m usually pretty picky with my fantasy books and honestly I don’t like the high fantasy genre much at all, but this series has been one that’s stuck with me.
Revived by Cat Patrick (standalone) - With one of those amazingly interesing premises, this one hell of a cute book. Hell, all Cat Patrick novels are ones that contain sweet stories in what I can only describe as speculative fiction.
Evernight by Claudia Gray (trilogy + standlone spin-off) - Vampires, yeah, it’s a thing of days gone by, maybe buuuut, this is one sweet series with a really cute and emotionally healthy romance for a vampire genre book. I mean it’s probably not to everyone’s taste, but it’s still one of those series you’d curl up with on a rainy day.
This Is Not A Test by Courtney Summers (standalone) - Hella interesting premise and the kind of book that makes you think. Fair warning, it deals with some heavy themes about mental illness and abuse, but it is intense and interesting. I mean I hadn’t really thought as hard about the whole zombie apocalypse situation until I read this.
i am not whole without you
im waiting for the day i can use this as a reaction image and confuse everyone for a good 5-30 seconds before they get it